Establishing Boundaries
and Creating Emotional Safety.
I was such a “yes” person. I was a people pleaser to my core. I hated confrontation. I let other people dictate the path of my life because I lacked boundaries and didn’t know who I was as a person, and more importantly, as a woman.
Then I met my 30s.
A mental shift happened where I frankly didn’t give a damn if I hurt someone’s feelings by saying no. I wasn’t responsible for their reaction. I had to create a safe space for myself to exist in and that started by saying ‘no’. If it didn’t give me peace of mind, if the person wasn’t emotionally safe for me, if it was something I just did not want to do….the answer was and will always be, NO.
What do I mean by ‘emotionally safe’?
Simply put, it’s the opposite of unsafe. An emotionally unsafe person to me makes me feel on edge, anxious, like I’m being judged, manipulated, coerced, bullied…UNSAFE. To be emotionally safe is peace, calmness, genuine, easy conversation, respectful, equal, loving…I constantly felt unsafe until the first time I said no and took control over my feelings.
I became empowered over my own emotional wellbeing and became addicted to the feeling.
I was no longer a slave to the word YES. I became a woman that can assertively say no and not feel guilty for having done so. When you become the ruler over your own emotional safety, you demand respect.
Are we all not worthy of something so simple as respect from others?!
The results weren’t immediate. There were still people that were so used to being able to run me over that I definitely had pushback. But I stood my ground. I continued to demand rights over my emotional safety by saying no and keeping unsafe people at a distance. Now, when I say I kept unsafe people at a distance, I did so in the classiest way I knew how. I couldn’t just write them out of my life because I share a life with my husband and children, who also share a life with these people that threatened me to my core.
I simply stopped inviting them in.
I stopped inviting them into my life, my home, my head space. I COULD NOT do it any longer. It had become a disease that was eating away at me. The devastating effects of the presence of unsafe people in your world isn’t fully clear until they are no longer there. I had allowed someone else to control so much of me that I didn’t even recognize the person I became in their presence.
I was angry. I was nervous. I was full of resentment. I was negative. I was snippy. I was unhappy.
Just being in their presence pulled out this version of me.
You absolutely CAN create boundaries, say no, establish distance, etc. without being harsh, malicious, conniving, or manipulative. You can also do this without feeling guilty and without feeling like you hurt someone’s feelings. How so?
Because NO ONE, but you, will fight for your emotional wellbeing and safety like you will when you finally decide you deserve it. You HAVE to respect yourself enough to demand respect from others. It starts by saying no when you want to say no. The word ‘no’ needs no further explanation.
